The Providence Journal
DATE: June 12, 2018
SUBJECT: Anthony Bourdain's Suicide
Dear Editor:
Anthony Bourdain has died. I watched two of his shows last night, and heard Anthony say things that were depressive---like he was at the end of his rope. His future suicide was right there. You see, he was a heroin addict when he was young, and he said, in an episode about opioids, that there was "something inside" of him which he needed to fight to quit. That "thing" never went away.
I suffer from depression, and I have learned we do not “commit” suicide, we “complete” our suicides. They say that Anthony had everything, for he was very rich. What we know now is the pain that drove him to use heroin never went away. He loved his work when it started, but it was just replaced the heroin. Every year Anthony spent 250 days a year touring. His second wife traveled with him when they were first married, and stopped that after they had their child. Celebrities do not tour 250 days a year. Yes, some tour a great deal, but never 250 days a year.
So, the show became his new heroin---his new addiction with no relief in sight. Anthony is quoted as saying that his production crew had become as dysfunctional as his family of origin. His heroin was replaced by an insane production schedule, and if you watch the shows in the last year, you will will hear him say how trapped he was, and how he was considering "end of life" questions. In an episode set in Marseilles, he suggests that the end means "turning into worm meat." He asked his friend if “this” is all that life meant, and if so, he came up deciding that it was a trap—ending in our becoming “worm meat”.
He had nowhere to turn. His addiction, the show, was never going to stop, and he would never ever be a real person—only the puppet of the addiction from which he could not escape. His act was merely, in his mind, the most needed response to the reality that he could see---the only one. So, people who think Anthony had "everything", he had concluded that he had nothing—that there was one and only one way to escape the pain. It is a place depressed people reach and have to move back from often. In my life, I have been helped by partner Fran Slade and her family, my son Joshua. and work that I love.
Sincerely,
Marc Kohler
401-441-2129
marcwkohler.com
Youtube Channel: Marc Kohler
